


Love, Fanaticism, and Reasons to Live

by ShadowedTime



Category: Date A Bullet, Date A Live
Genre: Angst, Chess Metaphors, Dissociation, God Complex, Grief/Mourning, Identity Issues, Insecurity, Introspection, Manipulation, Oneshot Kaneki Ken, Other, Power Imbalance, Rebellion, Slavery, Threats of Violence, Unethical Experimentation, Worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27059416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowedTime/pseuds/ShadowedTime
Summary: Those who dare challenge the White Queen are condemned to a fate most gruesome. Those who submit are given what they crave most. But to one Empty, the existence of something beyond the White Queen becomes reality.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Love, Fanaticism, and Reasons to Live

Empty knew that her life was drawing to an end that day. She could no longer feel her extremities, each step she took giving no feedback. Her body was as numb as her mind, what was once a prickle of sensation when interacting with the world around her now now faded to cold nothingness. She had no recollection of who she was. She only knew that she was Empty, and she that she was hopeless. There was no point in clinging onto what wasn’t there, and she frankly had no desire to even try. She had no purpose in life- what more was there to do? Dragging out her existence held no importance to her. There were no final stands here. Just mere acceptance and patience for her demise.

So she walked. She would walk and hopefully vanish from this world mid-step, leaving this world and meeting darkness. Perhaps she would find meaning in what lay beyond.

Or perhaps she would find solace in the home of the Devil herself.

Footsteps caught the Empty’s attention. Something so meaningless wouldn’t usually distract her from her own bleak thoughts, but something willed her to turn her head. Something she couldn’t quite place at the time.

There were two of them, she noted. Two Quasi-Spirits, both so much like her. They stood out against the barren, rocky land around them, white attire and stark white hair shining like beacons. The one on the left held a large scythe within her hands, red eyes fixated on Empty. Had she had the sense of self to be chilled, she probably would have felt her heart freeze over under the icy gaze. The one on the right looked no different, spare for her lack of sickle. A brief, wordless interaction flitted between the two, and the girl on the right vanished back into the tree-line.

Empty felt lethargy take over her once more, her mouth opening wordlessly as if to attempt reaching out to the girl with the scythe, but she found she had not the energy nor the will to even make a sound.

Just as she was about to drop her head and continue on her path to nowhere, she heard it.

That voice.

“Where might you be going, Empty?”

Empty’s head snapped to attention. That voice rang as clear as a bell, slicing through the static in her mind. The girl on the right was back, flanked by the most beautiful creature Empty had ever laid eyes on.

The embodiment of grace stood before her, emerging from the shadow of the trees and carrying with her a radiance brighter than the Sun. A perfect face, smooth porcelain skin, ivory hair and a dress befitting of a general. These features, all so unique, hit Empty and sent her mind reeling with the sheer identity and presence this woman had and exuded. She carried herself with importance and regality, those gorgeous eyes fixed on her of all people.

“I…”

Was that her own voice? She hadn’t heard it in… what might have been months. It sounded foreign despite coming from her throat, raspy from lack of use. She briefly fell into contemplation, the static in her mind returning, before her thoughts were snatched away with the most graceful of ease.

“Look at me, Empty. Don’t delve into your mind.”

How could she resist such a request?

Meeting the woman’s gaze, Empty gulped. She found herself quivering, rooted in place even as the woman approached her.

Touch was blinding. Fabric brushed against her face, and Empty’s eyes widened once she realised that the sensation she felt was from the woman’s white cotton gloves. She flinched, for this was the first time she had felt anything since she became what she was now. This woman grounded her into the present through something as simple as touch- touch brought her to reality when the world itself could not.

This woman found her important enough to touch her, to cup her chin and raise her gaze to meet her own. The action made her shudder, and Empty found herself lost in the woman’s eyes. Red and blue- a clock within the latter. She was something Empty couldn’t comprehend, something not of this world.

“Who are you?”

The question left Empty’s mouth before she could stop it, and she was shocked to feel a pang of anxiety in her gut. Such a foreign sensation, to have emotions plague her once more. She had no time to dwell on it though, as the creature before her smiled and laughed melodiously.

“Me?” She asked, tilting her head in a way that made her symmetrical twin tails appear lopsided. It didn’t suit her, Empty thought.

“I am the White Queen. I am your saviour, Empty. Your addled mind must have brought you here. To me.”

Empty almost melted once the White Queen addressed her so wonderfully. She tilted her head into the hand cupping her cheek, exhaling slowly. Not once since she had lost herself had anybody treated her like this. To have someone look into her eyes, to address her, to touch her… It was something she hadn’t had the courtesy of experiencing in so long.

Quickly, the situation caught up to her. This woman was a Queen, and she stood on her territory.

Empty dropped to one knee violently, so suddenly that the White Queen blinked in surprise and pulled back to stare at the girl below her. Empty bowed her head, not daring to raise it. A day of many second firsts it was, as Empty felt compelled to do something of her own volition.

“No need for such formalities, Empty. Please, stand.”

And so she did. Empty, hesitantly, raised her head again before reaching up to take the hand outstretched to her. She grasped it firmly, the warmth of her own hand enveloped by the cool one of the Queen.

The White Queen helped her up, and Empty briefly felt her palm brush against the exposed skin of the Queen’s wrist as she righted herself. The Queen released Empty once she could balance on her own, and Empty could’ve sworn that she saw a grimace cross her face for the briefest of moments, her other hand clasping the area that Empty had brushed against.

The brief crack in her visage was gone as quickly as it appeared. The grin was back again, lofty and calm as it was awe-inspiring. Again, those gloved hands were upon her face, this time not cupping her chin but her cheeks. She held Empty softly, almost like one would a lover.

“You poor thing,” she cooed, brushing off a piece of dirt that had gotten stuck on Empty’s face. “You’re waiting to become Lost, aren’t you? Well, I can’t have that.”

Empty flinched slightly, before exhaling and leaning into the touch of the White Queen’s gloves, nuzzling into her palm.

A soft chuckle left the Queen’s lips, though she didn’t move to touch Empty’s face further. She instead combed her fingers through her stark white hair, brushing it from her face and gazing down at her with unparalleled interest and focus. Empty couldn’t remember the last time someone looked at her in such a way.

“Come with me, Empty. It isn’t safe here in Gevurah, we might be attacked by those warmongers at any time. I’ll take you to Binah.”

Empty had heard rumours of Binah. Some negative, some positive. She had heard that the White Queen replaced the previous Dominion, but beyond that, it was all new to her.

“…I would like that.”

“Of course,” the White Queen cooed, her voice oh so sweet and endearing. In her hand, a sabre seemed to materialise from nothingness. She waved it, and Empty watched in awe as a literal crack in space was sliced open, and she tried to peek inside of it on pure instinct.

The White Queen laughed at Empty’s eagerness, and pressed her hand to the small of her back, pushing her forward. “Go on. Step through and let me give you your new purpose. I promise, I will do anything in my power to preserve your life.”

And so Empty did. With only a moment longer of hesitation, she allowed herself to move through the portal in space, and into what paradise lay beyond.

After all, if someone as graceful as the White Queen took pity on her, surely that would mean that life was worth living?

* * *

Empty had forgotten that life could feel so real.

To be able to feel the wind on her face again, to feel the thump of her shoes against the ground. To be able to talk without forcing herself to, to be able to feel without being constantly reminded of the gaping hole in her mind and soul. Empty found it both exhilarating and somewhat disconcerting. Having everything brought back into the myopic little world she had created for herself was overwhelming.

Empty was often tasked with roaming the castle. Not a particularly special job, but one that had to be done nonetheless. Empty personally thought that it was special. More special than herself, at least. She took interest and pleasure in mapping the layout of the castle, counting out the steps it took to walk from the Arsenal to the throne room. 264 steps to be precise. Empty often wondered if she took so much delight in something so meaningless to distract herself from how hard it was to cope with being thrust back into a world of activity and noise. It probably wasn’t the task that made her happy though. It was joy derived from completing a task for someone else.

She walked now. Step 129, on her way from one room to another. The White Queen’s castle was a nice place to be in, but Empty sometimes wondered if it was good to be surrounded by so much white. As she walked, she passed white walls. White columns, white railings, white ceilings, white floor, white furnishings. Empty herself blended in so well that she thought she could pass as a pot plant. It was an odd choice of colour scheme, but who was she to judge? Empty wasn’t someone like the White Queen. _Nobody_ could compare to the White Queen.

The other Pawns in the castle seemed capable compared to Empty. They would talk amongst themselves quietly, gossip and giggle over things that Empty didn’t know enough about to participate in. Empty didn’t feel particularly attached to them either, despite all of them being essentially cut from the same cloth. But they were never cruel to her, and Empty was never malicious to them. Even if their natural behaviour made her feel so small.

Regardless, Empty did feel comfortable about _one_ thing.

The White Queen.

Empty shuddered. Even thinking of that name alone was enough to ground her to reality and pull her from her thoughts.

…Damnit.

Empty stopped in her tracks, and looked back at where she had come from.

She’d missed a step.

Empty frowned.

These were the times that Empty hated. When she was close to oblivion, menial things didn’t bother her. There were no steps to count and there was no fear in making a mistake, because she ultimately wasn’t hurting anybody by failing to keep track or committing mistakes, apart from herself.

But now, someone was relying on her.

Well, not quite _relying_. The White Queen didn’t need to do rely on others. But she had been kind enough to entrust Empty with a job, and she was going to do it well if it was the last thing she did. Empty just couldn’t shake the feeling of a rock sinking in her stomach when she erred. She was unused to the feeling and it made her feel ill.

Empty faltered as she found herself rooted to the spot. Oh, what she wouldn’t give to just have the White Queen _near_ her right now. To clutch to onto her arm (if she let her), to gaze at her perfect form, to hang on to every word that came out of her mouth. Empty _needed_ it, craved it. Something to ground herself to and something that would allow her to just push all her responsibilities aside, and let her mind sink into a state of bliss, focused on the White Queen and nothing else.

Instead, as Empty fixed the floor with a thousand mile stare, she felt a heavy hand thump between her shoulder blades. She squealed, whirling around to face whoever was behind the action. Her heart soared the moment she glimpsed white hair, and promptly dropped through the floor as she realised the hair belonged to none other than Rook.

“What are you doing?” She demanded, affixing Empty with a glare. Instinctively, Empty withered under her gaze, and bowed her head.

“N-nothing. I got distracted.”

Rook surveyed her up and down, looking her over carefully, before taking hold of her upper arm and hauling her forward. Empty gasped, and made a quick mental note of how many more steps Rook just added to her total. 4.

“Get moving. You have a simple job, and my Queen expects it to be done well. If you’re incapable of that…”

She trailed off, and hoisted her scythe over her shoulder, tapping the staff ominously.

The implication was left to hang in the air, before Rook continued on her way.

Empty managed to gather herself some time later, picking up pieces of her fragile mind after the frightening startle. She could best compare trying to centre herself to picking up sand, her emotions slipping through her fingers no matter how much she tried to avoid it. As much as it spooked her, Rook’s gruff intervention snapped her out of her thoughts. Empty didn’t know such a thing could be achieved without the White Queen.

She took a breath, and continued on the steps she had taken hundreds of time before.

* * *

_The most perfect thing about you is your ability to blend in anywhere. Quasi-Spirits will outright avoid you, or pretend they haven’t seen you in Yesod. That’s why I want you to go there, gather any intelligence you can. Report back to me when you have something worthwhile._

That was what the White Queen had told her. Empty had replayed those words over and over in her mind throughout her time in Yesod. Specifically, the first part about _perfect_ and _you._

She guessed that the other four girls she was sent with were doing the same, judging by their starstruck eyes and the way they whispered to one another about how much they loved the White Queen.

Empty had initially been concerned about the break in routine. She hadn’t had this level of freedom for some time, and being this far from the White Queen was certainly worrying. But thus far, she had been able to manage. Consoling herself with the fact that this was all _for_ the White Queen, for the greater good and for things far, far greater than herself.

The Queen had been right (not that Empty ever doubted her). She had been able to quite easily gather information about the state of Yesod by simply hanging around other Quasi-Spirits, listening from a distance _just_ within earshot, and speaking to recently-turned Empties. In fact, Empty had built up quite the list of what she had learned on a notepad, and had written it down so she would forget, and so she might be able to hand the White Queen the piece of paper herself.

Reviewing what was written, Empty began to leave the Dream Cradle, where she and her companions reconvened to share and cross check what they learned.

_The previous Dominion, Rinemu Kirari, lost her ability to sing in a tragic accident, and was removed from her position. Replaced by someone named Mizuha Banouin, who is the currently acting Dominion. Rinemu is licking her wounds and spending time with Mayuka Momozono, her protege and someone who was also in line to become Dominion, a prime candidate if not for Mizuha._

Empty thought it was somewhat interesting, how this society worked. There was a lot of freedom, and a lot less focus on one person. Mizuha, from what she gathered, didn’t make as many public appearances as the White Queen, nor did the inhabitants here really seem like their life revolved around her. Empty truly wondered what that was like, to be able to live without a focus on someone. She knew that she probably did at one point, but that time was long gone by now. No use in dwelling on the past when she had the White Queen to focus on now.

“Excuse me!”

Empty flinched as a voice, high and sweet, caught her attention. She stopped, briefly looking up from her notes. She was met with the sight of someone who practically emanated vibrancy. A Lovely genre idol, if Empty had to guess from what she had learned. With curly brown hair, deep green eyes and a smile that was shy yet absurdly bright, Empty found herself somewhat taken aback by the presence of this girl.

That, and because she spoke to her.

“Hello?”

“Hello,” Empty answered after recovering, hearing her rough voice scratch out. It sounded very ugly in comparison to this girl’s. “I’m sorry, am I in your way?”

“Not at all! I just wanted to ask you something!”

Empty was sure suspicion was written all over her face as she observed the girl, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“What did you want to know?”

“About you!”

Empty frowned, and the girl giggled lightly upon seeing her expression. “Sorry, I should be clearer. I just wanted to ask how you are. You’re one of those Empties, right? People always tell me that you’re some kind of weird things that aren’t really here, but here you are! How are you doing?”

Empty’s mind drew a complete blank, and she just had the awareness to hide her notes behind her back. The action wasn’t lost on the girl judging by how she watched, yet she didn’t look malicious. She honestly looked… very friendly. An open face, bright coloured clothing that wasn’t too flashy nor too casual, and quite the round features that were a stark contrast from the sharp edges Empty was used to back in Binah. She cleared her throat, and tried to wrap her head around the question.

“…Fine, I guess. I’m not really sure what I feel a lot of the time.”

“But you’re still here, right? You must be feeling something, otherwise you would have already faded away.”

The girl brushed past her, and sat herself down on the concrete in front of Empty. She patted the ground beside her, smiling all the while. “Sit down, it must be uncomfortable standing around like that.”

“I’m used to it,” Empty murmured without really thinking about her response, awkwardly seating herself down and shuffling uncomfortably as she tried to find a good position. She half expected to get scolded for taking her time, but even as she cringed in anticipation, nothing came.

How odd.

“It must be hard, huh?” The girl began, looking up towards the sky with that bright smile never faltering. “You’re not really treated the best from what I’ve seen. Just avoided.”

“Yes. But I can’t say it bothers me.”

“Surely it would though, right? I mean, yes, you’ve lost your goals and your identity, but I suppose there would be some emotions there, right?”

Empty twisted her mouth as she mulled over the question. What was true for her, an Empty under the Queen’s command, was not necessarily true for every other Empty.

“Yes, some… But they don’t mean as much to me as they do to you.”

The girl chuckled softly.

“You’re not that different from me, Empty. I think we forget that you and I are really just seconds away. I don’t get why the other idols scoff, we’re all just as vulnerable as each other.”

Empty blinked.

_She isn’t wrong…_

“I think I understand what you’re saying. But I don’t know why you picked me to speak to,” Empty murmured, casting her eyes down onto the concrete below them, setting her notes behind her, out of the idol’s view.

“You were nearby, that’s all! I’m not going to attack you,” the girl laughed again, and lay a hand over Empty’s. Empty’s head snapped up, eyes wide at the bold move. Her surprise was just met with that same impassive, kind smile.

“I get sad, you know? Seeing how you’re treated, you as a group…” She trailed off, before taking a breath. “Can I let you in on a secret?”

Empty, befuddled by the sensation of the girl’s hand on her own, could only nod.

“I like singing, that’s why I’m here in Yesod. But I’m not sure if _just_ singing is my goal. I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve kind of realised that I just like making other people happy. My music can make people smile, and that makes me smile. Talking to other Quasi-Spirits and spending time with my manager, sharing what we enjoy laughing about the past, that’s what makes me happy. It’s my purpose. It’s why I came up to you, too. I think that you deserve to be happy too, Empty.”

Met with silence, the girl eyed Empty’s face, trying to spot a reaction of any sort in her wide eyes. She broke the awkwardness easily, to Empty’s relief, leaving her reeling in response to the words

“Maybe that sounds kinda god complex-y…” She giggled, gently squeezing Empty’s hand. “But I don’t mean it that way. I’d like it if you regained a purpose." 

Empty swallowed, her mouth dry as she stared at the girl in front of her. She hadn’t felt like this for so long. This being that she was an entity, something beyond an empty vassal. It was unlike how the White Queen made her feel. This girl was treating her like just another Quasi-Spirit.

“How do you do it?” Empty asked suddenly, hearing a semblance of excitement in her own words. “Get a goal, I mean.”

“Find something you love! It might be hard for you, but maybe take a look around Yesod later? I don’t think anybody will bother you even if you go to the town centre, some idols have Empty bodyguards. Maybe you’ll get an idea there.”

“You said yours was helping others?”

The girl smiled a little wider, scratching her cheek. “That’s what I think it is. I don’t think it has to be easily defined to be a goal.”

“That just makes it harder.”

“Maybe. I think I know a way to start, though. If you’re interested of course! Don’t wanna to force you.”

Empty couldn’t stop the words that tumbled from her mouth even if she wanted to.

“Tell me. Please.”

“How about a name?”

“I don’t have one.”

“I know that, silly,” the girl smiled, nudging Empty playfully with her elbow. “But you should have one. It’s a step in the right direction. Mine is Kirei Kotone. Do you have any preference for yours?”

“Not really,” Empty hummed, frowning as she tried to think of something. Kirei’s name certainly fit her, but Empty didn’t think a name really could fit _her_. She wasn’t really something that lent itself to being unique. “Do you have any ideas for me?”

Kirei smiled softly, comfortingly at Empty. “I don’t want you to be too reliant on me for help, or anyone for that matter. But I think you could use the leg up, so… Hmm…”

Playfully, Kirei formed a square with her fingers, and shut one eye as she looked at Empty through a makeshift camera. It was a cute action, if not a bit overblown. Still, Empty couldn’t help but catch on the one thing she had said.

_Don’t be too reliant on one person._

What did _that_ mean? Was that even possible? Focusing on someone or something other than the White Queen was an alien concept. Wasn’t it rude to just discard who had given her so much reason to live?

“…I think Owari Tsurugisuits you.”

Empty tilted her head upon hearing that, and she frowned slightly. “Why that name?”

“It fits!” Kirei chuckled, gently rubbing her thumb over Empty’s cold hand. “Do you dislike it?”

“No, I’m just not used to it,” Empty murmured, casting her gaze back down again, and murmuring under her breath to try out the name, how it felt on her tongue.

“A name is a good first step to guiding you, that’s what I think,” Kirei said, before gently squeezing Empty’s hand and getting to her feet with a grunt. “You can maybe search and ask around to discover more of a meaning.”

_That would be difficult._ Empty thought, and she felt a pang of guilt upon realising that she had never really told the truth about what she was to Kirei. But nonetheless, she smiled as best she could (despite the fact she was sure it looked awkward.)

“I’ll try that.”

“That’s the spirit!” Kirei grinned, giving Empty a little salute. She then placed her hands on her hips, and Empty briefly took the time to gaze over Kirei’s body, noting the curves of her hips and bust, also realising that her Astral Dress was rather low cut. She felt heat in her cheeks.

If Kirei noticed her staring, she didn’t show it. She just leaned forward, and nodded her head.

“I should be going now. Stand up with me! Getting on your feet is the first step to starting the day right.”

Empty pushed herself to her feet, brushing herself down and meeting Kirei’s eyes.

“Thank you… I’ll remember that.” 

Kirei smiled.

“Bye bye, Owari!” Shechirped, and pulled Empty into a gentle hug, not too tight or longing, but not frigid and cold. “Good luck!”

“You too,” Empty murmured, gently giving Kirei’s back a soft pat. “Have fun with life.”

“I will!” The idol smiled, pulling away from the hug and winking at Empty. “But remember what I said, okay?”

“My name?”

“That too, but more the whole pleasing yourself thing. You should come first. Don’t try hard to focus on someone else, they shouldn’t be your goal. That’s how you get messed up.”

Empty swallowed.

“I’ll try.”

“Awesome! Well, toodles!”

Empty watched Kirei’s retreating form, the way her hair bounced with each step and the way she casually sauntered away as if she hadn’t just poured her heart out to a complete stranger. As if she hadn’t just grabbed everything Empty held dear and took as gospel, and crushed it under her fashionable shoe. Yet, Empty didn’t feel angry. Maybe it was her demeanour, or the authenticity that oozed from her, but Empty didn’t think that entire discussion was staged, or something done to undermine her.

That in and of itself was strange. Empty waited for the guilt to come crashing down, for daring to touch and speak to someone in such a way other than the White Queen. How mad she would be for conspiring with what was effectively an enemy. For building herself up to something more than a useful tool for the White Queen, even for a few minutes.

But that never came.

Empty took a moment to pull out her notepad, weaving a pen from Reiryoku with ease. Flipping past theextensively filled page and onto a blank one, she wrote one thing.

_Owari Tsurugi._

Empty didn’t want to forget that name. _Her_ name. Maybe she’d try it out, overlaying her name over ‘Empty’ in her head when someone addressed her. That wasn’t too presumptuous, was it?

_How strange that would be._ Empty wondered, wobbling on her feet slightly as she took a look around. _To have an identity and a goal beyond one person and one role._

How strange indeed.

* * *

It had been some time since Empty arrived back from Yesod. She couldn’t be sure how long, but she was able to tell by the way she felt when returning to Binah that she had grown unused to the foreboding atmosphere that surrounded it.

She had succeeded, and while the White Queen didn’t thank her for her services, she did give her a smile as she took the notes she had collected. She had lightly pet her head, and then waved Empty off. Empty wondered why the feeling of the White Queen touching her didn’t send electricity shooting through her like usual, but she waved it off as being simply tired.

It was some time later that she and a group of other Empties had been ordered to Gevurah, and commanded to rendezvous with Summoner, one of White Queen’s subjects with a strange Unsigned Angel that Empty knew very little about. Today was that day, where she and the others were set to meet Summoner, and Empty couldn’t help but feel nervous.

Empty’s eyes widened the moment she entered the cavern Summoner resided in.

She had seen it at a glance before, when she had been previously transferred up to the frontlines on the surface of the fiery region. But now, she had a proper look at the bottom most dungeon in Gevurah.

The girl who Empty could only assume was Summoner cursed as she danced back from what looked to be a monster of sorts. Empty had heard rumour of such creatures existing, but seeing them in the flesh was disconcerting.

“Hold it down!” Summoner ordered the two other Pawns beside her. They fought to keep the monster restrained, thick, heavy chains tied around its throat. The strength of it was immense, and Empty watched her fellow companions struggle to keep upright as the monster shook its head. All muscles and thick, heavy fur, Empty guessed that the creature certainly wasn’t the friendly type.

What she was confused about, however, was why she was there.

She had been told that she, alongside the other girls who were pressing against her in a small, huddled group, that they were going to meet the White Queen. But _why_ that was necessary was something that Empty didn’t quite get. The hushed whispers and excited little squeals from her companions, however, told her that it was something good.

“We’re getting promoted!” One of them gushed, and Empty turned to face the nameless girl that spoke.

“Really?”

“Yeah, that’s what I heard! She’s going to do it herself, too! How exciting!”

Empty blinked, feeling a spark of _something_ in her chest. Anxiety or excitement, she couldn’t differentiate the two.

“Why is _that_ thing in here then?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and the other Empty’s excited bouncing came to a halt, replaced by a confused twist of her mouth.

“I’m not sure… Maybe it’s a ritual? Either way, it’s best not to question the Queen! You should know that.”

Empty grunted as the girl elbowed her painfully in the ribs, and flinched at the sensation of irritation that surged within her. The girl immediately lost interest in her the moment after, gazing over at Summoner and the creature with wide, hopeful eyes.

The discomfort of a raw surge of emotion was something that always caught Empty off guard. When it wasn’t admiration or love from the White Queen, she felt listless. Like a person lost at sea, fallen from a boat and screaming for something to cling onto. Emotion was terrifying, and Empty wondered that if anything that made her feel like she was something beyond an empty vassal would make her feel so uncomfortable.

More importantly, was that right?

Did Kirei feel the same way? Scared of her own reactions, scared of being scared, content with giving her life to something else?

From what Empty remembered, not at all.

Envy stirred within her guts, making her feel ill again. She swayed on the spot, and felt a few of the other girls around her nudged her back upright. 

The swarm of voices around her became quieter and more muffled. Summoner’s mouth moved to address them, but Empty felt too far away to really hear what she said. Even with the press of bodies around her, the whispers and breath of other living beings, Empty couldn’t feel any less real. She felt like the time before the White Queen intervened. Completely disconnected and faraway. It probably wasn’t the best idea to start to feel comfortable with the numbing of the world around her. It was all too tempting to give in. Truly, she wanted nothing more to be around the White Queen. To be able to listen to her voice and allow her to take in all her worries… That would be incredible.

Empty steadied herself with a deep breath, and the world seemed to gain clarity again.

“…So, I trust that you’ll all be good and behave, yes?”

Summoner’s voice cut through the fog, and Empty nodded alongside the girls around her. Although, a quick look to her left and right showed that there was the same thousand mile stare in the eyes of the Pawns she stood with. Summoner noticed it too, and she cleared her throat.

“After all, it’s what would make the Queen happiest! Speaking of which…”

With Summoner’s segue and the sound of heels hitting the floor, the Empties all turned their heads in perfect synchronisation towards the sound. Voices and whispers fell into immediate silence, and Empty could feel the anticipation in the air, stirring foreign sensations inside of her.

The White Queen entered the cavern with all the grace and poise of a monarch with utmost faith and confidence in herself.

She seemed to glide across the ground as she walked, and if not for the sharp strike of her heels against the stone floor, Empty would’ve thought that someone as ethereal as her wasn’t actually there as a tangible being.

A calm grin, sharp eyes, small wave, Empty anticipated the urge to shiver as the White Queen’s gaze raked over the group of them.

But nothing came. None of that warm, fuzzy feeling that would bubble when the White Queen acknowledged her.

Empty hid the frown that tried to furrow her brow.

“Good evening, ladies.”

The White Queen addressed them all, standing beside Summoner who bowed her head and quickly stepped back in order to give the Queen her space. There was a hushed answer, excited murmuring that swept over the crowd, but it was silenced as quickly as it began. Even the beast, that had been growling and snarling all the while, had hushed and was eyeing the White Queen with something that resembled caution.

“I’ll make this brief, because I know you’re all so excited to find out why I brought you here.”

Taking a breath and calmly looking over her audience, she wet her lips with her tongue before continuing.

“I’ve decided that you will all be far more useful to me if you were upgraded. While you are valuable pieces at the moment, I’m afraid you just aren’t enough. I’m sure most, if not all of you, have met Jabberwocky, no?”

_Jabberwocky_. Empty recalled the abomination of a thing from the few times she had entered the room where it resided. A giant Empty, with the faces of numerous other Empty girls agglomerated on one head. Truly the stuff of nightmares. Empty wondered, as the White Queen scanned the crowd briefly for the response, what significance Jabberwocky had here. A quiet sound of agreement could be heard within the crowd, and the Queen continued.

“I’ve decided to grant you all the privilege of becoming just as special and useful as Jabberwocky is.”

The collective gasp and excited little squeaks that followed the White Queen’s statement drowned out what she was going to say next. The Queen silenced herself though, and Empty watched a thin smile grace her lips as the crowd erupted in gleeful giggles and celebration. Or was it more of a smirk?

“I told you so!”

The girl from before nudged Empty again, thankfully less violently this time, and Empty nodded.

“You were right.”

The other girl lost interest in her again quickly, and Empty turned her attention back to Summoner, who seemed to be trying to push the monster back slightly. The White Queen paid her no heed, and spread her arms out in a gesture that was both welcoming and awfully pompous in a jarring contrast.

“Come forward, ladies. Summoner will take good care of you, and I will be here to supervise the process. May you all become even better than you are now.”

The group didn’t need to be told twice, and the White Queen’s smirk widened at the reception.

The girls around her pushed past her. Some walked quickly, others at a slower pace, but there was no ignoring the shine in their eyes and the excitement coiling within all of their hearts. It was written on their faces, plain to see.

Empty tried to move forward as well, but her legs seized, locking her in place.

_Why can’t I move?_

Empty twisted her mouth in concern, and tried again. Once more, her muscles kept tightly tensed, and she couldn’t find the will to follow the group of Pawns.

There was something screaming at her not to, something Empty couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Hurry up,” Summoner told her, having undoubtedly noticed that she was failing to follow the group.

Empty blinked, tried again, and failed once more.

The unease she felt grew more urgent, alarm bells ringing in her mind. Yet, her body wouldn’t move. Her legs were tightly seized, and no matter how much she willed herself forward, she simply couldn’t.

“Empty.” The White Queen’s voice was grating on her ears, and Empty’s eyes shifted to stare at her. The Queen’s gaze was no longer friendly, but one of suspicion. “Join the rest of your friends.”

“No.”

The reaction she received would be humorous in any other situation.

Every single head turned to stare at her with abhorrence. Summoner, the other Empty, and the White Queen especially let the simple denial she voiced sink in. She had blatantly disobeyed what was sacrosanct, denying something the White Queen told her to do, in front of her and denying a _direct order_ no less.

What had gotten into her? Empty couldn’t hold herself back from saying it just as she couldn’t bring herself to move.

“Excuse me?” The White Queen turned to face Empty properly, and Empty instinctively flinched as her imposing presence bore down on her. The Queen was not the tallest, nor did she look particularly fearsome, but the loathing on her face was something that shook Empty to her core. Her narrowed eyes, curled lip, and the sheer _hatred_ she held was palpable. It was a far cry from the gentle smile she gave her when offering a hand and promising the world to her during their first meeting.

Empty wondered if the White Queen even remembered it.

“You _will_ join them, Empty.”

The weight of their gazes felt as if they were all liable to pounce on her at any moment.

“I don’t want to.”

“When did you figure out what you wanted?”

“You promised me identity. Something for me to hold onto to prevent my death. Didn’t you?” Empty spoke without hesitation, and it was strange. As if her heart was open and pouring words onto her tongue that she couldn’t bite back no matter how rational and acceptable that choice would be.

The White Queen’s fist clenched, and Empty watched as the group of Empty clenched their own in response. “Your point?”

“I learned that other Quasi-Spirits were able to form their own goals. Without your help. I did it too, before I became Empty. I must have.”

“And whatever you made for yourself failed because you simply aren’t able to survive here.” The White Queen ruthlessly rebuked her, but Empty didn’t feel shame. The usual urge to curl up if she was scolded didn’t come, and Empty felt her heartbeat quicken with excitement.

It was liberating.

“Isn’t that my choice to make?”

“You agreed to serve under my rule, Empty. Your choices are irrelevant here. I save you, and your gratitude comes in the form of your obedience.” She walked towards Empty now, and Empty felt her muscles loosen. She took one step back, but the White Queen was upon her within seconds.

“I can do that. But I… I don’t want to go with them. I don’t feel comfortable.”

The White Queen laughed at her, and it sparked hushed chatter amongst the Empties. Empty could catch pieces of it.

_What is she doing?_

_Defying the Queen… She deserves what’s coming to her._

_How dare she…_

“Since when did you feel, Empty?” The White Queen asked after she recovered from her bout of laughter, her smile wide and devilish.

“When I found out that it was okay to do so. And don’t call me that.”

Empty’s head snapped to the side as the White Queen struck her with the barrel of her flintlock. The pain made her see stars, and Empty hit the cold ground with enough force to make her cry out.

From her new position on the floor, Empty could see the way the group of Empties watched the ordeal play out before them. Countless gazes on her, all from the same faces with the same expressions, the same posture, the same hungry look in their eyes as their eyes flickered between their Queen and Empty intermittently… there was no individuality here.

Empty winced as she felt the sharp stab of the White Queen’s heel digging into her shoulder, but she didn’t fight as she was flipped over onto her back. She was met with the muzzle of the pistol, gazing up the barrel and at the White Queen.

“What an ungrateful little rat you are, _Empty,_ ” the White Queen sneered down at her. The words stung, but what was perhaps more appalling was the response the White Queen roused from the crowd. Cheers and jeers, goading the White Queen to kill her. Empty watched them, the nameless girls uniting under the common desire for her death. Just minutes ago they had been talking to her like one would an acquaintance, and back when she patrolled the castle, they supported her like friends.

Empty tried to spot the girl from before, but it was near impossible from this angle. She suspected, though, that she wasn’t going to step in and save her.

“I said don’t call me that. It isn’t my name.”

“You have no name,” the White Queen growled, digging her heel harder into her flesh. “You can call yourself anything you want, but it has no meaning because all you are is an empty husk of what was once somebody. Any name is superficial and lost on you, a waste of a title.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is, Empty. I wasted my time taking pity on you.” The White Queen spat, and cocked her flintlock pistol. Empty had seen the move a hundred times before, when the Queen would shoot one of them for failing. Or when she turned the weapon on a prisoner, or when she would promote someone to one of the Three Executives. She would pull the trigger after precisely three seconds, Empty had memorised.

And that was enough.

Empty was off the ground in seconds. She paid no heed to the wrench of muscle in her shoulder against the pressure of the Queen’s heel. A sweep of her hand knocked the Queen’s pistol aside, and Empty heard the firearm go off. She felt debris, stones and dust sting her skin as the bullet struck the ground, millimetres from where her head had been.

Empty’s fingers closed around the weight forming in her palm, and she felt instinct take over her as a sword materialised from nowhere, tailored perfectly to fit in her hand. It was a familiar weight, and one that called to Empty’s heart, almost urging her to lay down blows with it.

That she did.

The Estoc sword buried itself in the White Queen’s thigh, and judging from the way the sword shook in her hand, had embedded a good inch or two. The stab had breached under the skirt of her Astral dress, a vulnerable, open spot in the Queen’s attire.

Empty saw the White Queen’s eyes widen more than she had ever thought they would. It was almost comical, if not for the seriousness of the situation. Tunnel vision enveloped Empty, and with utmost focus and dogged determination, she twisted the weapon in the Queen’s thigh, before wrenching it back out again.

“Leave me alone!” Empty gasped out. It was meant to come out far stronger, but she guessed it didn’t _need_ to. Silence befell the entire cavern once more, not a sound from the group of girls watching the entire ordeal unfold. They were probably as shocked as Empty was.

Blood dripped from the wound she inflicted. Hyper aware, the scent of iron stung her nose, and she swore she could hear it drip against the stone floor. Amazingly, the White Queen hadn’t made a sound, but she was positively seething. Looking into her eyes as she glowered at Empty after surveying her wound, Empty held her sword in front of her, and steeled herself.

“How dare you.”

“That’s what you get.” Empty hissed breathlessly, adjusting her stance as the White Queen straightened herself out. “For lying to me. You don’t want me to recover. You just want another Pawn to sacrifice. And I’ll say it once, you better remember it-”

Steeling herself, Empty hardened her gaze and glared at the White Queen with the most venomous one she could possibly muster.

“-My name is Owari Tsurugi.”

Movement caught her attention, and one of the girls from earlier tried to step in. The White Queen, however, raised a hand to stop her approach. She halted instantly, and the White Queen met Empty’s gaze. To her surprise, her sabre formed in her hand, and she raised it up, looking down along the blade at Empty. A clear challenge.

“Low blows aren’t any indicator of skill,” the White Queen began, ignoring Empty’s accusation, and apparently her reveleation. “If you want your freedom, Empty, prove it.”

“Owari,” Empty corrected her with a growl. The White Queen only smirked. Her words were a clear order, but one that Empty was willing to entertain this time.

She raked her gaze over their audience once more, seeing the creature’s nostrils flare (probably from the smell of blood), and those wide, scared eyes all fixed on her. Funny that. Empty didn’t think she was the one to be feared here.

“Fine,” she growled, feeling pleased that her voice didn’t waver this time. Her heart was racing, and she couldn’t deny the buzz of a cocktail of fear, adrenaline, excitement and anger coursing through her veins.

The White Queen surged forward, not giving Empty a moment to think of an attack. Instinct guided her, and she narrowly blocked the White Queen’s horizontal slice. She swung her sword down, knocking the sabre aside and hearing it slide against her weapon as she carried her momentum forward, and aimed another stab at the White Queen’s abdomen.

It was dodged with grace, and Empty briefly wondered how the Queen could dance away from her attack so fluidly after the blow she inflicted earlier. It was like the pain was inconsequential to her. Empty grit her teeth. No matter how arrogant she was, the White Queen was certainly not more bark than bite.

Empty’s feet felt light. She twisted her body to avoid a barrage of slices and swings unleashed by the White Queen. She countered not without struggle, barely managing to redirect a thrust with the middle of her blade. She was forced back, stumbling, before catching herself. Another two blows, two swings, and Empty noticed a pattern.

_She’ll bring it down-!_

The Queen raised the sabre above her head, and Empty raised her own sword. She blocked the swing immaculately, the length of her blade taking the brunt of the heavy impact, and Empty absorbed the sheer power behind the blow before roughly shoving the Queen back.

Pride bubbled in her chest, but Empty resisted the urge to celebrate.

“How cute. You’re learning,” the Queen scoffed, catching herself with a few quick steps. Empty lowered her body slightly. Adjusting her centre of gravity, concentrating it to avoid being thrown off balance for her next move.

Empty swung once, closing the gap between them and aiming for the White Queen’s head. The moment the Queen’s hand twisted up, bringing her sabre to block, Empty abruptly changed her stance. She swung her sword down and aside, putting all her strength into deflecting the Queen’s sabre, before stepping forward in one aggressive, brutal thrust forward.

_Aim through her._ Empty thought, and she envisioned her blade piercing the White Queen’s dress, hopefully right through her body. The resistance of flesh hitting her blade, the way her sword would flex from the sheer force, Empty felt it all before it even happened.

A gunshot made her ears ring, and Empty crumpled. White hot pain burst from her knee, and she barely bit back a sharp cry as her assault came to an abrupt halt. She fell to her knees, and felt her stomach twist as pain radiated up and down her leg. Grimly, she realised that the glimpse of blood and bone splattered across the floor behind her was likely what was once her kneecap.

Her sword fell from her hand, clattering down to the ground. She tried to reach for it, but the White Queen brought her shoe down upon her, grinding her boot into Empty’s wrist. It jerked another cry from her throat. 

The White Queen leaned down just enough so that Empty would be able to see her when she raised her head. She felt the cold muzzle of the White Queen’s gun under her chin, and was forced to look up into her eyes. The action made her bite her tongue, and Empty squirmed as blood flooded her mouth.

“Cheap shots are just that; cheap shots. They only work if you are willing to capitalise on them,” the White Queen murmured, staring down at her with that same disgust as before. Empty realised, dully, that the Queen was hardly out of breath, whereas Empty felt like her chest was going to explode.

All of that movement, and the Queen still hadn’t bothered to heal herself… yet she was able to fight uninhibited. Truly a monster without equal.

The White Queen took her pistol away, and let Empty’s head fall down unsupported. She resisted the urge to groan at the pain that pulsed through her, and forced herself to listen as the White Queen addressed their audience once more.

“I hope you all understand what can be learned here.”

The White Queen kicked Empty’s sword away upon seeing her fingers twitch, and Empty cursed under her breath. She didn’t have the strength to pull her body forward, yet the moment she tried, the Queen brought her sabre against her spine, pressing it painfully against her vertebrae.

“The first lesson is that if you are to challenge someone like me to a fight, you should expect to die. No matter how strong you think you are because you got the first hit in, you will always pale in comparison to me.”

Empty twisted her head to watch all the eyes on her. Her body felt like lead, but at least _this_ action was manageable.

To her surprise, the Pawns weren’t outwardly keen for her death this time. There were no cheers, just silent, trepidatious staring. They cowered under the White Queen’s gaze, and Empty felt something in her chest pull at the sight of their fear.

“The second is that if you all know what is good for you, you _will_ listen to me. You all want the best for those of us in Binah, don’t you? Then you won’t be selfish like _this_ failure here, and throw that all away for the sake of a petty dream.”

Silence in response to her words, and Empty watched as blood dripped down from the Queen’s thigh and onto the floor, right next to her face.

“Did I make myself clear?”

Collective, quiet sounds of agreement wafted from the crowd, and Empty felt the White Queen’s eyes on her again. Empty raised her head as the White Queen knelt down, bringing their faces close.

“Was it worth it?” The Queen asked her, tone sweet and coy, filled with false pleasantries and patronising tones. “Knowing that you’ll die like a dog?”

Empty managed a slight smile.

“It was either this or becoming something like Jabberwocky. I’d say so.”

The White Queen chuckled. “What a shame that this could have been avoided if you had just accepted that I know what is best for all of your kind. You wouldn’t be lying here on the brink of death.”

She was right, Empty thought. It could have been avoided. If she never opened her mouth or if she stifled the strange feelings welling up inside of her. If she turned the other cheek that day and scorned those other Quasi-Spirits like she was taught to.

But Empty didn’t really think that was a way to live.

_I should probably stop calling myself Empty, too._

There was no smart answer she could think of. The White Queen was _correct_ , but at the same time, Empty didn’t want to agree. Any argument would be lost on the Queen. Any demands to be seen as an individual would, too.

So Owari collected all the saliva she had in her mouth, mixed with blood from earlier, and spat it out, right on the Queen’s face.

“I hope you get what you deserve.”

The way the White Queen’s eyes widened and her entire body flinched in response to such a degrading act was extremely satisfying to Owari, and she watched as the White Queen wiped off what landed on her face with a snarl.

“Filth,” she snapped, and without hesitation, drove her sabre down into Owari’s neck, and twisted it.

Owari heard a deafening crack, and felt her entire body shut down. No movement in anything, hearing was impossible, her sight was stolen from her and she was enveloped into blackness and silence, with nothing but her thoughts for what she would assume would only be possible for a fleeting moment.

Owari didn’t think she had many regrets. Only that she probably should have seen the red flags the moment the White Queen came to her. Pity, as well, was weighing on her mind. For all those girls around her that would be stuck in an eternal cycle of pointlessness until they died for a cause that consumed them without meaning.

Maybe she gave them hope, though. Just like Kirei did to her.

_That would be nice._ She thought, before the buzz in her mind went quiet for the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> This story started off as something else when I first began it. But, once I got on a roll after dropping it for a while, I honestly couldn't stop the words from coming. What was originally 2k words skyrocketed, and I was left with this before long. I absolutely loved writing from the perspective of an Empty, and I'm keen to do it more in the future. Something about working with a blank slate that needs to be removed of all identity whilst still remaining a semblance of humanity was both challenging but incredibly fun, and I enjoyed drawing on some of my own experiences to write this. It was a pleasure, and I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.


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